Plenty of authors want to write diverse characters, but they can’t. Their main excuse? They don’t know how.
Not to worry! Moody Dumpling to the rescue, counting down the best ways to become a bestselling author and have marginalized communities praise your name. Stay woke with the following tips:
- Gay characters are gay. There is absolutely no other personality traits they can have.
- Asian characters have ‘small, almond-shaped eyes’. We love rice and are bad drivers (I once crashed into a neighborhood bush due to my Asian-ness, it’s really quite toxic). We will also eat your dogs.
- For a female character to be taken seriously, she must be emotionless and unfeminine.
- Black characters make great villains. Everyone knows black people are scarier than any other race.
- To further your research on sexuality, summon all the LGBT+ people within a mile radius with a spell and a pentagram. They’ll tell you what to do.
- This also works with Asians, but you must have at least five pounds of rice on you.
- When writing mental illness, chronic pain, or suicidal characters, it is best to learn from real life people. Go up to people who struggle with these issues and hold an insensitive, public interview. It is, after all, their job to educate you.
- Create diverse characters, then kill them off immediately to serve the purposes of their Caucasian counterparts.
- Gay men speak in feminine voices. Always. There are no exceptions.
- Asian women are “exotic” and “spicy”. Me? I’m like a 6 out of 10 on the spice scale. That’s medium salsa.
- Remember if you’re creating a fantasy world, diversity is not realistic. Dragons and elves are more historically accurate than black people. Remember, Lord of the Rings was successful with a main cast of straight, white, questionably-straight men.
- If you have diversity, you don’t have to worry about writing a good story. Diversity alone guarantees success and fame.
Hope you enjoyed this one! Let me know what you think in the comments, and what you’d like to see from me. Stay tuned for more awful writing advice! Until next week,
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