- Your protagonist must be absolutely perfect. Giving them flaws will not make them more realistic whatsoever.
- Instant romance always leads to healthy, life-long relationships.
- Your protagonist’s eyes must be emerald green, ruby red, stormy gray, and/or sapphire blue. No one must ever have brown eyes, because brown eyes are boring.
- Bonus if their eyes change colors depending on their mood.
- Your characters must always be straight, Caucasian, and able-bodied. If not, people will be unable to relate to them and your career will plummet.
- The only weapon available to female villains is sex.
- Have your character look into a mirror and describe every aspect of their physical appearance. People do this all the time in real life.
- A tragic past always justifies a villain’s actions, no matter how awful those actions are.
- Your protagonist must be breathtakingly beautiful, but she cannot know this.
- Parents are bad. They must either be dead, irrelevant, or villains for the story to function.
- “I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding” is a great sentence and you should use it frequently.
- Create a strong female character. Everyone knows feminism means kicking ass, killing men, and having no personality whatsoever.
I’ve reached over 50 followers on here, and I’d like to thank each and every one of you for your support. Be sure to stay tuned for more terrible writing advice, and let me know what you’d like to see in future posts. Until next week,
Moody Dumpling xoxo